England's World Cup Curse Is Finally Breaking—and This Writer Hates It

A soccer writer recently shared a theory that stuck with me: teams carrying decades of bad luck need to vanquish their demons before they can win it all. The Boston Red Sox had to beat the Yankees. Michael Jordan needed to get past the Detroit Pistons. And England? They’ve been carrying monkeys on their backs since 1966.

That’s 60 years since this nation invented the sport and then won a major tournament. The Hand of God, penalty heartbreak after penalty heartbreak, a parade of near-misses at Euro finals—England’s trophy cabinet has become a monument to what-ifs. But something feels different this World Cup. And one French-supporting sports journalist is genuinely furious about it.

Here’s the thing: the monkeys are falling off, one by one. England beat Mexico at the Azteca Stadium, exorcising the ghost of Maradona’s Hand of God from 1986. They hired a German manager—bitterest rivals—for the first time ever. In their quarterfinal against Norway on July 11, 2026, at Miami Stadium, they were saved by the“Sky Cam of God”in a 2-1 victory when in past eras they would’ve cracked. Jude Bellingham’s back-to-back braces have carried them this far. Harry Kane, the talisman striker, is clinical. The vibes are genuinely good—they’re dancing in the locker room, their fans are singing actual good pop songs like“Hey Jude”and“Wonderwall”instead of their treacly anthem. Even Thierry Henry, the Fox Sports analyst and France great, acknowledged their“mentality”and“grit.”

And now comes the semifinal against Argentina—the team of Hand of God fame. Normally, that’s where England’s journey ends. Except this Argentina squad is far weaker than past incarnations. They’ve needed dramatic comebacks and refereeing help just to beat the weakest opposition of any semifinalist in the field. England, for the first time ever, has a genuine shot at them on the highest stage.

The writer placing this bet isn’t happy about it. They’re French. They want France to dominate—and France *is* the total package: Kylian Mbappé, Ousmane Dembélé, Michael Olise in attack, a stacked bench, a dominant midfield, and two clean sheets in their last three games. France is unbeatable on paper. But if England knocks out Argentina and then faces France in New York, there’s one more monkey waiting to fall: 250 years later on American soil, taking down the nation that helped defeat them in the American War of Independence.

Book it. England is winning the whole thing. Maybe in penalties. It’s coming home. And one perfectly miserable France fan has to watch it happen, armed with nothing but the knowledge that they called it first.